Growing Miracles: Sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is as old as family life itself. Rivalries and disputes between brothers and sisters can end as quickly as they begin, but they can sometimes simmer for hours, days, and weeks.

You can set the stage for sibling cooperation when you:

• Make and enforce family rules such as no name-calling or no hitting.
• Avoid labelling your children. "She's always getting into trouble," or "He's just an angel."
• Find a balance between treating all your children exactly the same and favouring one over the other. Recognize that each child is unique and what works for one child may not work for another.
• Understand that anger is a normal feeling and arguments are normal. Most siblings support each other in situations outside the family.
• Recognize that learning how to "fight fairly" at home gives them skills for dealing with conflict outside the home.

If your children can't settle their differences and begin to fight:

• Be prepared to step in if things get out of control (for example, if one child is physically or verbally hurting another child).
• Separate them and give them both a chance to calm down. Use time out to calm down if needed. Comfort and reassure a child who is upset or hurt.
• Don't assume you know what happened unless you saw it.
• Encourage each child to share their side of the story, without interruption.
• Ask them to come up with a plan that will work for both of them. Help with problem-solving if needed.